Brassica napobrassica: Public Enemy Number One (rutabaga) wrote,
Brassica napobrassica: Public Enemy Number One

Adulthood, or, Tipsy musings

When in a relationship, I sometimes delude myself by thinking how much better off I'd be alone. In some cases, that was true. Actually, this relationship marks the first time I haven't been completely miserable about something crucial. Evan now has a job, my good job finally started paying worth a damn, and though we should be saving, money isn't a dominant theme in my life. Or so I thought.

Last Friday at midnight, I received the largest paycheck I have ever earned in ten years. I had almost forgotten I had been working for that long--that is, until I got my Social Security statement in the mail this afternoon. It's not something to which I give much consideration on a daily basis, but it filled me with a sense of accomplishment I have never before experienced. Even though the statement told me I could "look forward" to $997 a month if I work up to the age of seventy (which tells me I'm never seeing a dime), I felt proud. And also justified, as I went on a veritable shopping binge last week (at least by my low, low standards). The candle, the sheets, and the Labor Day cookout I financed last week were the only unnecessary things I purchased. Oh, and those sheets? They were intended to replace a menstrual blood-stained set I bought over six years ago. Yes, I got a $300 laptop last week, but I really did need something that could reliably access the internet. As for the clothes, I had to stop looking so ratty for "professional" meetings (not to mention that most of my clothes don't fit anymore, thanks to a rapidly expanding ass and stomach). And the books? I surely could have done without them, but I had wanted Marx's Ghosts: Conversations with Archaeologists and Archaeology and Capitalism for MONTHS.

In those months, I didn't allow myself to buy them, or anything else that smacked of frivolity. Why? Because, in addition to taking care of myyself, I also knew I would be paying for Evan. Not for little things, but big things like rent, utilties, and food. Though I would have had those expenses without him, the fact that he didn't have a job put everything in a different perspective.

However unconsciously, I was attempting to celebrate the largest-ever amount of money I've possessed at one time. So tonight, I got an innocent, yet pointed "We need to be saving."

I love Evan with every bit of my being, but his comment stung. Who was he to tell me I should be saving when he was out of work for six and a half months? Though he has a job now, he won't be paid for another week, and I'm likely to have to help him with gas money. I'm willing to admit he hadn't really considered the words coming out of his mouth, but I was pissed all the same.

More later.
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